I am trying to really understand friendship

Friendship is an important theme for philosophers. It is a particular emotion felt towards another being, and understanding it seems to be more a matter of emotional contact, rather than of deductive reasoning. Friendship is not a conclusion we reach, nor a decision we make. However we want to define it, the emotional bond of friendship is highly regarded by us all, and those whom we consider true friends are cherished, missed and loved.

A relationship with a friend is in itself an invitation to deepen our thoughts into the nature of that relationship. The experience of a bond with another human being deserves, and almost pushes us, to clarify, to ourselves, in what measure friendship distinguishes itself from other relationships we have. And the value a friend brings into our life should be well highlighted by virtue of its own worth, and deserves to not be mixed in confusion with other emotions and other kinds of relationships.

Friendship was an important subject in the ancient civilizations of Greece and Rome. For philosophers like Plato, Aristotle or Cicero, friendship shows itself as a bond based on purity and “disinterest”. True friendship is defined by properties associated with virtue, by personal traits such as honor, loyalty, or selflessness. For this reason, some philosophers noticed its connection with politics. The men of public affairs must exhibit – and be guided by – the same characteristics that are found in true friendship, to shield the city against corruption and abuse. A friend of the city, a guardian of its integrity.

True friendship, the only real friendship possible, excludes treating the other as a means to any selfish interest of ours. The focus of a friendship relation is the other, the purity of the feeling, the sincerity of our own willingness to unconditionally appreciate and wish for our friend’s success and well being.

Like in any topic of interest for philosophy, friendship also creates a path that leads into the inner layers of our own life. To understand, and to eventually become aware of the value of friendship, we need to  consider intimate questions, and to face our ideas and our concepts, other than our feelings.  Why does friendship require reciprocity? Why can’t we be friends with someone who regards us with indifference, even though that seems to be possible in romantic forms of love? And how does the old concept of disinterest coexist with the apparent need of “getting something back”? Can we be friends with animals, with inanimate objects, or with imaginary entities? Are we misusing the concept of friendship when we consider our relations on social networks? Or has technology allowed the emergence of other forms of friendship?